


Is the Fall

by mokuyoubi



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: First Time, Fluff, M/M, pre-fame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-09
Updated: 2013-03-09
Packaged: 2017-12-04 19:39:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/714334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mokuyoubi/pseuds/mokuyoubi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>When Brendon was sixteen, he had a stupid crush.  Or, he was in love.  It was difficult to say, since he’d never been in love and the way he saw it, it didn’t really matter which.  Either way, it was annoying and pathetic and painful as fuck.</i><br/>In which there is pining and silly boys being silly about each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is the Fall

When Brendon was sixteen, he had a stupid crush. Or, he was in love. It was difficult to say, since he’d never _been_ in love and the way he saw it, it didn’t really matter which. Either way, it was annoying and pathetic and painful as fuck.

It might not be so bad it if wasn’t for band practice. They went to separate schools, so Brendon could make it through the day thinking of him only roughly, oh, a million times. But then he’d walk into Spencer’s grandparent’s garage and his heart would start this stupid double time and his breathing went all weird, and sometimes he was sure he was going to pass out. 

They had to know, he thought, _Spencer_ had to know. Had to be able to see it in the way he constantly caught Brendon staring, or the way Brendon always manoeuvred to sit next to him when he could, or the way Brendon couldn’t be any more obvious if he had the words _I love Spencer Smith_ tattooed across his forehead. 

When Brendon thought about it, it didn’t even make any sense, falling for Spencer. He was quieter than all the others, and for all that Brendon talked a lot, he liked someone to talk _back_. Plus, Spencer wasn’t into people touching him who weren’t Ryan, and Brendon was a very tactile person, okay. And Spencer was really mature. Like, way too mature to be interested in a spaz like Brendon. Also, he was straight. 

Only, there was something in the way Spencer listened to Brendon, like he heard more than was being said and he actually _cared_. When Brendon sat too close on the couch, Spencer never scooted away, and if Brendon wasn’t too pushy about it, he could even sometimes lay his head on Spencer’s shoulder—one time, Spencer had wrapped his arm around Brendon’s back when he’d done that, and Brendon had spent the entire movie hyper aware of Spencer’s fingers curling around his shoulder, entirely incapable of focusing on anything else. And, even as mature as he was, Spencer’s favourite movie was still _Dude, Where’s My Car_ , and he could be sweet talked into burping contests with Brendon, if the mood was right. 

None of that really mattered, though, in the face of the whole straight thing. Brendon didn’t stand a chance in hell. 

Brendon just had to keep reminding himself of that, especially when Brent had ditched them for a date and Ryan had left early, and Brendon, the glutton for punishment, had accepted when Spencer had invited him to his place to hang out. 

Which was how Brendon found himself in the tree house in Spencer’s backyard, eating popsicles and trying not to have a panic attack. Brendon was studiously watching the sun’s decline in the sky so he didn’t have to notice how small the tree house was, and how close Spencer was sitting, back against the wall opposite Brendon, their legs stretched out, almost touching. 

“Hey,” Spencer said, in a lull in conversation. He bumped his bare foot against Brendon’s hip until Brendon looked at him. He wished he hadn’t. Spencer’s mouth was all swollen and red from his popsicle, and Brendon couldn’t _help_ having dirty thoughts. He was _sixteen_. 

“Hey man,” Spencer said, frowning. “You okay?” 

Brendon forced a laugh and nudged Spencer’s hip with his foot in retaliation. But Spencer’s fingers closed around his ankle, holding lightly, and he didn’t take his eyes off Brendon’s face. Brendon swallowed hard and resisted the urge to jerk his foot away. “I’m fine.” 

A thousand scenarios ran through his head—of telling Spencer and getting punched, or just throwing caution to the wind and climbing into Spencer’s lap and kissing him until neither of them could breathe, and maybe Spencer would roll Brendon under him, and use those hips to pin him down…

“Seriously?” Spencer asked, and Brendon felt himself blush, like Spencer could read his thoughts. “Cause you don’t look okay.” 

Brendon let out a shaky breath. “Just. Stressed, I guess. You know, with school and my parents being dicks about letting me go to practice. I just. Yeah.” 

Spencer shook his ankle gently until Brendon met his gaze. “You know you can talk to me whenever.” He sounded so sincere, and Brendon wanted to believe it so badly. Just another reason not to fuck things up. Spencer was the best friend Brendon had ever had. The _only_ best friend Brendon had ever had. It made his chest ache to think of losing that. 

“Yeah,” Brendon said. 

“About anything,” Spencer said, punctuated with a firm shake. 

Brendon cracked a smile, because he couldn’t not. “Yeah,” he said. 

Spencer smiled back, all wide and honest and _beautiful_ and it _hurt_. Brendon felt like his chest was hollow where his heart should be. They were silent, like Spencer was waiting for Brendon to decide it was okay to tell his secret, and Brendon could form the words, he could _taste_ them, but he couldn’t bear to speak them. 

Then Spencer’s smile dimmed and he nodded. “Okay,” he said, like he’d come to some decision or realisation. “Okay. Maybe we should go back in. The bugs are gonna come out soon.” He let go of Brendon’s ankle, and Brendon felt a little lost without the touch. 

“Hey wait,” Brendon said, before Spencer could lift the hatch. “You know, you can tell me anything, too. Just. I know I talk a lot, and maybe people think I can’t listen, but I’m a good listener, Spence.” 

Maybe he couldn’t be Spencer’s boyfriend, but he could be the best best friend ever. He’d make Ryan Ross and his stupid mind-meld powers look lame in comparison. 

There was something in Spencer’s face when he looked back at Brendon, something that made Brendon’s mind whisper _maybe_. 

“Brendon,” Spencer said, and then he twisted back around so quickly Brendon barely had time to register it before Spencer was kneeling over him. He crawled forward a step and leaned in, one hand falling on Brendon’s thigh for balance, his other hand sinking in Brendon’s hair, drawing him close to meet halfway. 

Brendon’s heart beat wildly in disbelief or anticipation and he couldn’t _breathe_ , and then Spencer’s lips were pressed against his, damp and still cool from the ice and Spencer didn’t waste any time being coy about things. His tongue slicked along the seam of Brendon’s lips, searching, and Brendon opened to him helplessly, embarrassed by the sound he made, a high, desperate whine. But Spencer just mumbled something against Brendon’s mouth and kissed him harder. 

Brendon flailed around until his hands caught Spencer’s shirt, and that steadied him, and he jerked Spencer closer, knocking them both off balance. They fell backward, Brendon sprawling out on the floor. Spencer braced himself and smiled hesitantly down. It was hard to see in the growing shadows of the evening, but Brendon’s breath still caught at how much he _wanted_. 

“Is that okay?” Spencer asked. Brendon nodded dumbly and Spencer’s smile widened and he leaned down again. 

Brendon really wanted to kiss some more. That would be more than alright with him. Only his hand came up between them, pushing back on Spencer’s chest. “Wait,” he said. Spencer stopped, eyes darting over Brendon’s face, and he waited. Brendon huffed a sigh. “You. You like girls. You said so.” 

Spencer shrugged. “Yeah. But there’s this movie, well, I guess it was a book first, I zone out when Ryan’s ranting about that shit. But we were watching it together, and it was about how sexuality is more, like a spectrum.” 

“I don’t think I understand,” Brendon told him warily. 

“Neither do I, really,” Spencer said, and smiled brightly. “But I think it means that anyone can fall in love with anyone else and you can’t help who you’re attracted to.” 

“Fall in love?” Brendon echoed. He hadn’t really processed the rest of it. 

Spencer nodded and leaned in further. This time Brendon let him, wrapping his hand in the front of Spencer’s shirt. Spencer buried his face in Brendon’s neck, breath tickling Brendon’s skin. “Yep,” he said, lips just barely kissing Brendon’s pulse. 

“Oh,” Brendon said, throat tight. Spencer’s tongue flicked out for the briefest second, and Brendon jerked him closer. “Oh,” he said again. “Me too.” 

Spencer kissed up Brendon’s jaw. He had a sort of wry smile on his lips when he pulled back. “That’s sort of what I meant, when I said you could tell me anything.” 

“I-I was scared,” Brendon admitted. He still _was_ scared. Terrified, actually. “I don’t want to mess things up.” 

“Don’t be scared with me,” Spencer whispered. He kissed Brendon again, slower and hotter and Brendon was shaking when they parted. “Besides, I’m a control freak and you’re a perfectionist. We won’t mess up.” 

The thing was, Brendon couldn’t help but trust him.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my darling 's request at my [drabble meme](http://moku-youbi.livejournal.com/49825.html).


End file.
